Hard Candy

DE PROFUNDIS

"...Suffering is one very long moment. We cannot divide it by seasons. We can only record its moods and chronicle their return. With us time itself does not progress. It revolves. It seems to circle round one centre of pain. The paralysing immobility of a life every circumstance of which is regulated after an unchangeable pattern, so that we eat and drink and lie down and pray, or kneel at least for prayer, according to the inflexible laws of an iron formula: this immobile quality, that makes each dreadful day in the very minutest detail like its brother, seems to communicate itself to those external forces the very essence of whose existence is ceaseless change. Of seed-time or harvest, of the reapers bending over the corn or the grape gatherers threading through the vines, of the grass in the orchard made white with broken blossoms or strewn with fallen fruit: of these we know nothing and can know nothing.
For us there is only one season, the season of sorrow. The very sun and moon seem taken from us. Outside, the day may be blue and gold, but the light that creeps down through the thickly muffled glass of the small iron barred window beneath which one sits is grey and niggard. It is always twilight in one´s cell, as it is always twilight in one's heart. And in the sphere of thought, no less than in the sphere of time, motion is no more. The thing that you personally have long ago forgotten, or can easely forget, is happening to me now, and will happen to me again tomorrow. Remember this, and you will understand a little of why i am writing , and in this manner writing..."

by, the wise, Oscar Wilde...

you don't see me...

Fitter Happier (Radiohead)

"Fitter, happier, more productive, comfortable, not drinking too much,
Regular exercise at the gym 3 days a week,
Getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries, at ease,
Eating well, no more microwave dinners and saturated fats,
A patient better driver, a safer car, baby smiling in back seat,
Sleeping well, no bad dreams, no paranoia,
Careful to all animals, never washing spiders down the plughole,
Keep in contact with old friends, enjoy a drink now and then,
Will frequently check credit at moral bank, hole in wall
Favors for favors, fond but not in love,
Charity standing orders, on sundays ring road supermarket
No killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants,
Car wash, also on sundays, no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows,
Nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate, nothing so childish,
At a better pace, slower and more calculated, no chance of escape,
Now self-employed, concerned but powerless,
An empowered and informed member of society, pragmatism not idealism,
Will not cry in public, less chance of illness, tires that grip in the wet,
Shot of baby strapped in back seat, a good memory, still cries at a good film,
Still kisses with saliva, no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick
That's driven into frozen winter shit, the ability to laugh at weakness,
Calm, fitter, healthier and more productive, a pig in a cage on antibiotics..."

There is always someone climbing higher at the mountains of madness...

Herb Baumeister - Indianapolis, Indiana
Bob Berdella - Kansas City
David Berkowitz - New York's "Son of Sam"
Bernardo and Homolka - Canada's husband and wife team
Bittaker and Norris - Lawrence Bittaker and Roy Norris
NEW Arthur Bremer - Attempted to assassinate George Wallace
BTK - "Blind, Torture, Kill" in Wichita, Kansas
Ted Bundy - From Washington to Florida
Buono and Bianchi - Los Angeles' Angelo Buono and Ken Bianchi
Ian Brady and Myra Hindley - English children killers
Richard Chase - Vampire of Sacramento
Andrei Chikatilo - A Russian serial killer
Clark and Bundy - Sunset Strip Murderers: Doug Clark and Carol Bundy
Clutter Murders - "In Cold Blood" murders by Hickock and Smith
Roger Coleman Was an innocent man executed?
Corll and Henley - Dean Corll and Elmer Wayne Henley of Texas
Dr. Thomas Neill Cream - Was this Canadian killer also Jack the Ripper?
Andrew Cunanan - Serial killer of Versace
Jeffrey Dahmer - Milwaukee, Wisconsin killer
Richard Allen Davis - Pedophile killer of Polly Klaas
Albert DeSalvo - Boston Strangler
Westley Allan Dodd - Child predator
Albert Fish - New York
John Wayne Gacy - Chicago's killer clown
Donald "Pee Wee" Gaskins - South Carolina
Edward Gein - Anything but plain in Plainfield, Wisconsin
Gary Gilmore - Demanded his own execution in Utah
Harris and Klebold - Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. Mass murder at Columbine High School
Jack the Ripper - Mysterious English killer
JFK Assassination - John F. Kennedy Assassination
Andrew Kehoe - The Bath, Michigan school bomber
Ed Kemper
Randy Kraft - California killer of teenage boys
Bobby Joe Long Florida
Henry Lee Lucas - Were his claims real?
Dr. Jeffrey MacDonald - Did he kill his family?
The Mad Butcher - Cleveland, Ohio - Kingsbury Run murders
Charles Manson - Leader of The Family
McVeigh and Nichols Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols, the Oklahoma City bombers
Herman Mudgett - Chicago serial killer H.H. Holmes
Dennis Nilsen - England
The Phantom Killer - Texarkana, Texas
Richard Ramirez - The Night Stalker
Angel Resendez - The Railroad Killer, sourthern USA
Gary Ridgway - The Green River killer?
Joel Rifkin New York
Danny Rolling Gainesville, Florida
Arthur Shawcross Rochester, NY
Richard Speck - Mass murderer of Chicago nurses
Charles Starkweather - Nebraska's spree killer
Cary Stayner - Yosemite Park killer
Peter Sutcliffe - England's Yorkshire Ripper
Fred and Rose West - English killers
West Memphis Three The Robin Hood Hills Murders
Charles Whitman - Texas sniper
Wayne Williams - The alleged Atlanta Child Killer
NEW Wonderland Murders - Brutal murders that involved porn star John Holmes
Aileen Wuornos - Florida's female serial killer
The Zodiac - California's elusive killer
Peter Kurten - "Dusseldorf Vampire"
Vlad Tepes - "The Impaler"
Elizabeth Bathory - "The Countess of Blood"
Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow - "The Killer Lovers"

You were so real...

Torcicolos do pensamento

Deitei-me no pesado escuro e pensei em nomes...coisas escritas originaram a revolta, nomes atribuídos sem nexo...mais uma vez a história do livre arbítrio e das opiniões serem como as vaginas,cada um tem a sua e quem quiser dá-la, dá-la....enfim, espero não dormir com o assunto debaixo da almofada, torcicolos no pensamento, não obrigada, podem doer mais que o físico, tal como acontece com os torcicolos, assim os pensamentos de alguns, só conseguem olhar naquela direcção, ou pensar...
Música é música e tudo o que cheire bem aos ouvidos, (como diz a G.), é bem vindo...e tal como na música, assim é no cinema, na literatura, na pintura, no teatro, em qualquer forma de arte, e acredito que haja bastantes formas de arte que não são consideradas como tal porque só quando um certo iluminado o ditar assim será feita a sua vontade...putas das modinhas,raios...talvez seja melhor não falar de nomes, dos nomes que foram atribuídos, são demasiado non sense...vamos primeiro ouvir bem as coisas, com todos os sentidos que nos foram destinados, ouvir com as mãos será, então, perfeito, ler a música, senti-la, principalmente, nao escrutiná-la até a corroer tanto que deixa de ter sentido...sim, os sentidos podem tirar o sentido às coisas,passe a redundância, tem que ser uma coisa ao de leve, devagar, será como saborear o último travo do último cigarro, até ao próximo...

CHANSON D'AUTOMNE

"Les sanglots longs
Des violons
De l'automne
Blessent mon coeur
D'une langueur
Monotone.

Tout suffocant
Et blême, quand
Sonne l'heure,
Je me souviens
Des jours anciens
Et je pleure.

Et je m'en vais
Au vent mauvais
Qui m'emporte
Deçà, delà,
Pareil à la
Feuille morte."

Paul Verlaine

Both great, Both gone....

Guilt

A culpa comporta sentimentos tão difíceis como os que a originou...Perdi-me no fumo, já não estava ali, era outra pessoa, sair de mim, olhar-me e não me reconhecer, tudo a seu tempo...Uma fotografia em movimento que não queria tirar... Estou a perder tudo aos bocadinhos, vou-me perder também, se é que já não aconteceu e o pior é que não sei quando, talvez tenha sido sempre assim, o sorriso certo na altura certa...Quis desaparecer mas já não estava ali, sim eu sei, estava lá, vocês viram-me, mas não era eu...Enfim... Agora cada passa de um cigarro traz um soluço atrás, se é que me percebem, e depois de pensar e repensar, o não chegar a conclusão alguma, ainda traz mais culpa...Guilt, abreviação de guilhotina talvez, queria cortar a culpa mas a culpa é o instrumento que corta, corta com tudo de bom que possa existir, dentro e fora de nós..."pensar é estar doente dos olhos" dizia "um outra" Pessoa, queria tê-los doentes para não pensar, para não me ver cometer erros sem me aperceber das consequências que as acções acarretam e consequentemente auto comiserar-me dentro do pensamento...Guilt no more, please, i'm served...